A part or Apart – 2

I was catching up on Swaram’s blog after a long time and her this post moved me a lot. The story of her friend’s fight against dowry stayed with me through the evening.

I reached home in a very pensive mood when my mom called. After marriage, when mothers call on their daughters, it is typically with 2 intentions – one – to check on your (and your family’s) welfare and two – to report latest happenings in the immediate family.

And this time, she had a disturbing news for me. My cousin A was seeking a divorce from her husband of nearly 8 years.

Now, A was born and brought up in a very very tiny village in south kanara where only approx. 10 families live. She traveled to a far away town to get herself educated and completed her B.Com. A’s parents have been loyal to that village.  They really lived a difficult life – getting up around 4 a.m., milking the cows, cleaning the cow shed, preparing breakfast, sending kids to school, toiling in the fields, coming back home, cooking, cleaning etc etc. never ending work and no electricity (and now, sparse electricity). They have just 2 children – A and her brother, whom they brought up lovingly, despite all their daily struggles.

After graduation, they married her off to an engineeer guy with links into one of Mumbai’s wealthiest and well-known families. The expectation from the groom’s side was for a pompous wedding. A’s parents did their best to meet their expectations – held a grand wedding and attended grander reception and gave away the apple of their eye, the well looked after parrot into the hands of a hawk.

Within 1 year of marriage, A gave birth to a son. Only around this time, she started uncovering a different facet of her husband. This guy turns out to be a moron who continuously quit jobs and shirk from responsibilities of looking after his wife and kid.

A’s parents struggled to come to terms with this. A’s maternal uncle was overseas. They even requested him to get a job for A’s husband and he obliged by finding him not 1 but 2 jobs… but this guy did not stick to both of them… he returned back to Mumbai and stayed in Mumbai.

Frustrated A started having health issues. Her parents were shattered. They kept a brave front in front of immediate family yet showing everything was good. They tried to quitely work things out with A’s husband in the background. Nothing worked.

In the meanwhile, A moved to Bangalore and took up a job with one of Bangalore’s IT giants in their BPO division. All the while trying to resolve issues with her husband.

But when she saw no light at the end of the tunnel, it was A who took matters into her hand and took a bold decision to seek a divorce. She organized for a meeting with the groom’s family and her family and told them what she was expecting. Shamefully, the groom was NOT even willing to support their kid, who is just 5 years old and blissfully unaware of the storm in his mothers life…

So, when my mom told me this, I was truly heart broken. My heart went out for that little one who is yet to see the world and is quitely growing up with his grandparents in the tiny village – just because his mother wants to shield the child from all the pain that she is currently going through.

I called A at night and told her “A, I don’t have words to tell you how happy I am that you have taken this bold decision. Please do not grieve for what happened. Look for the future and I am sure you have a very bright one ahead. I want you to know that I am in 100% agreement with your decision and support you with all my heart. Any point in time, you need to talk, you need help, call me and talk to me. I will help you as much as I can and this is my promise”.

She had tears in her eyes as she heard me and my eyes grew moist. I felt I had done the right thing by calling her up and endorsing her decision. As her family, I want to stand by her and support her for the bravest decision she has taken in her life.